How Long It Has Been Since When I First Arrived

On Jan 5th, 1995, I flewed from Beijing to Detroit, then to Rochester, New York, a timid, nervous girl, wearing too many layers.

And I donated $50 out of the $700 total I brought with me, which was supposed to last me 2 months all inclusive, to some stranger man in the airport who is soliciting donations with a pad, just becuase I wanted to be nice to the first American who talked to me once I stepped on its land.

I did not learn to say no, I was told to be nice and sweet now you were going to another land, living among strangers.

I did not know what was in stock for me, journeys, testing times, people I would meet, enjoy and love.

At that time, following is on TV, they make me laugh:

and these two, I think they are sexy and devoted to their work, and there were aliens everwhere, but especially in Maryland:

Nowadays I watch DVD of this show, and feel related to it, it is really funny

At that time, the president is smart and young,

Today, the president-elect is even smarter and younger, and his book Dreams from My Father moved me deeply

At that time, I looked like this, from a photo booth in a mall in Buffalo, life was tough then, impoverished, but hopeful:

Nowaday, in the right light, I looked like this:

Hey, the smile looks the same, but I think I have lost some hair and some heart, and there are more content hidden under that smile, no job yet, but hopeful.

I have loved and grown up. I am sure I do not have answers for all questions, espeically like the time likes now, but I am much more dependable, and true, although retaining the capability to be whimscal or comical even with heartache--think that is called maturity.

But, I can't help feeling like I have not accomplished much as a human being, like writing a book or making a difference, or loving someone well, or giving fully, or creating something impactful.

Sigh, but still hopeful.