City In Color

The color gives the city, LA, a real and varied texture. I am touching it in seeing them.

City in Black and White

There have been more greyness and cloud in the sky of LA in these days, so I take the liberty to record the city in black and white. But it is also because I feel that although the world is colorful in its existence, we see the world more clearly in black and white, by reducing some information or turning down the volume, as if, in the purity of feeling of love, that it speaks more clearly about heart in the language of silent longing.

Cambodia Journal--Soil Rouge and Ruin with Smile

It takes no time of our van to be off the paved road, and I realized that I am truly in Indochina. The red soil, easily turned muddy after rain, is extending toward the horizon. It is a strong color for one to step on, it gives you heavy steps.


It is the land connecting by blood in history with people that are depicted in The Quiet American. It is the land where the undying Robert Capa stepped on a landmine. It is the land despaired time and again by war. It is called Indochina in the recent historical term.


Khmer Rouge, as late as 1998, still running free and rule with ruthlessness and brutality in the jungle west of Siem Reap. They swang the hands with blood while they walk.


Before the trip, Angela suggested that we visit an orphanage with gifts. I feel surprised with the idea of putting an orhangage in our travel itenary. I feel a bit self conscious of being condesending--do they really need the good will of naive tourists of Ankor Wat, who come and go like the rain in the wet season.


They don't need our good will, they gave us theirs, by letting us see their life.

They live in 6 different bamboo houses built 1.5 meters above ground, typical Cambodia style, for the monsoon season, I guess. They were all in a room watching some old western on an old TV set. Their little slippers scattered around outside the door.

In their houses, beside clothes, some book and matt for the night, they do not have much of anything else. It is a clean and simple life, not sorrow, not greed, with dignity and a little but true smile.


Their soccer uniforms hang dry after an afternoon games, I can hear they laughters, running bare footed on the playground, red mud on their foot.



I also took this photo of their drawings, I notice there are lot of green in them, the color they know well. Through the window below, is their kitchen. 58 kids with 12 staff, they built up a little quiet home a little north of the city of Siem Reap.



What do you need most? We asked the shy girl who received us and showed us the place. She said: Rice. And of course, one of the most important producers of Rice can not afford it anymore. Not to say this little orphanage.

We were ready to see some sad sitautions, but we saw only traquility and honesty with life that lies ahead. I somehow feel ashamed for myself, for my inner restlessness, by their calmness. Something in me settled down slowly, finding its right places. I turned my head toward the endless rice paddies outside the little compound, watching water buffalos chewing.


Instead of rice, we brought toys and water color drawing pens. They will be able to draw more red and the green, they will be able to draw what their little dream can tell them.

Those brilliance that they know once exists, in Marco Polo's time, their forefathers have built these temples with art and architecture skill of highest ranking.

From what I read, the Mekong river delta and the great lake near Siem Reap, cultivated the great cilvilzation of the Khmer. Enriched with their rice output and enormous output of freshwater fish, their life thrived. And their king become God king, who can summon the labor force to build city-like temples, sometime hosting 1,000 students, studying in the temple libraries.

Bayon is at the center of the royal city Ankor Thom. The most accurate record of Ankor Thom is left by a Chinese traveller, who visited the golden city around 11th century.

There is no more gold left today. Today the ruin of Bayon is dark, and consumed, covered in some cases by green moss. Many rooms have collapsed over the time, as Jungle taking over the towers.

But the remaining thirty-seven face towers, each with four faces of the God king, is still stunning. There is a sure silence while you stand among them, looking up, but meanwhile the sound of the silence is echoing through the towers.

My eyes are filled with tears of awe and feeling of assurance. Big rocks hoisted together to form that tranquil smile, yet its brokeness only makes it more real and powerful.

His face is alive, as if listening to the steps of the marching army that is going off to fight with the Chams from the river, as if enjoying the hums of music accompaning the dancers who always wore exquisite head piece and carried lotus flowers, with light steps but ample and wavy bodies, or he is just quietly happy.

You see them when you turned a corner, or look through a corridor, you see them under different light, from different angle, with different perpective. They all smile with a little mystery, little satire. One moment they look the same, the next, they seem to have a thousand expressions.



This has to be my favorite of the Ankor Wat Temples, I told myself, even if I have barely started.


You just know. Or it is because of the contrast, how what we see in the kids and the country side, and then the ruins, amplified and verified each other.


I don't know whether God indeed create people after their own image, or we carve the image of God after our own, the latter seems to be true here--in this sacred smile that stands against 100o years of jungle, heat, war, I believe I know why their people can still smile the best, from their heart, with fire burns that ruined their faces, with no parents to go to, no modern necessities of any sort. It did not change for all these years.


Through the impossible presence of extreme poverty and beauty, happiness find its little foothold and I am so privileged to get a glimpse of it.

Trip To the Nordic Country

He was heartbroken,
taking long walks in the city at mid-night.
He was a bit crazy, they say,
but that is why he is still remebmered, and stay humours and young, cemented.
Building and restaurant named after him, gardens keeping his stature,
silent, alone, well dressed as if he was just resting in between his walks,
and he seems to be thinking of something distant.
What does the sign say, that he carry,
a man who carry only his own words when he was alive.
But now he is helplessly silent and amused for that helplessness
Just exist

Back From The Green Valley

I have been absent from this blog, from early this year. Much have happend since. To put it simply, I am more at peace with my life and myself, simple life, simple truth. I am happy. So I decide to return.

I am back with colors from my trip over the holiday to the winery valley in California, with Albatross couple.

Great fun is always achieved when I visit them and southern california. They never fail me, no matter it is when I came planned, or unplanned (missed a plane once in LAX and had to stay over), nor is the sun shine or male albatross' cooking.

But this time, when Albatross suggested a Sideways tour, I was more than eager to make it. I enjoy the movie very much, and over the years, I have grown fond of good wine and the people I have enjoyed while drinking them. I used to drink only red, lately I began to enjoy white as well.

I took the liberty to take days off although it is only 2 months into my new job. I needed a vacation, a time off, and a time away from New York. A space.

So here we are, after the firework at New Port bay, a late night picnic listening to the ocean, adoring th scent of flowers opening quitely in the darkness, fencing strangers' houses, we drove north. We followed the trace of Miles and Jack, we are buddies on a break.

And a small paradise it is. It is so quiet, and it is so green. It is hot at the day, but cold at night. It is the shining stars extra bright at the night sky, the yellow barren hills dotted with low green oak. It is everything that New York is not. It is a time with friends, relaxing, uncomplicated and amusing.


Previous night we did a little re-watch of the Movie to get us refreshed with the details. We drove along 101 with a Sideways tour map, we were determined to follow the foot steps of Miles and Jack.

First stop is this little winery-Sanford located on the winding road of Santa Rosa, Almo Rosa, is the name of the tasting room. This is where Miles asked Jack to inhale and imgaine the smell of mushrooms, earthy floors of forest...and later found Jack was chewing a gum all along.

A little shed is the tasting room, like a farmer's house, yet it has the best Pinot Noir of the whole valley, I did not even have to wait till the end to know.

Chris, the guy in the movie is still there, working, smiling and a bit shy, wearing his cowboy hat. I said: Chris, can I do something really bad? Can I be a total tourist and take a photo with you?"


"Sure." He seemed happy. We all took a photo.

We tasted 5 different wine:

2005 Pinot Gris

2005 Pinot Black

2005 Chardonnay

2005 Pinot Noir-Sta Rita Hills

and 2005 Pinot Noir-La Encantada Vineyard, Sta. Rita Hills.


Even before the trip, Albatross told me California wine is said to have outperformed French wine in blind tasting. I was doubtful. I am a sucker for French culture and cooking and wine culture, I only bought French or Italian wine up to before the trip, a typical timid wine drinker, who do not yet have her own taste.

But I truly enjoyed the wine we were having at Almo Rosa. That simple place, kind of out of the way on the wine tour, is like those typical well kept secret, low-key, confident, proud but private, open up only to people who know, and know better.

Of course, if it is in a movie, it is hardly low-key, but I think the Sideways director, that strikingly handsome and talented guy who also directed the Election and About Schmidt, chosen this winery for a reason.


I bought 2 bottles after the tasting, Pinot Gris, for Albatorss couple, 2005 Pinot Noir-La Encatnada fro myself. That latter turned out to be a relationship tinted with unfulfilled longing.

Later Albatross found out from wine magazine that the 2005 Pinot Noir La Endcatnada is one of the top 10 wines being produced here in the valley. Why I am not surprised.

One thing is certain, I became a believer of Pinot Noir, as well as California wine.




This dog greeted us with affectionate eyes and a intimacy as if we are families. It is in the winery where Jack and Miles run into Stephanie.'I should be spanked." She said. Jack was all worked up.


Albatross think the actress who plays Staphanie is far from pretty, but I find her amusingly vibrant. I am wondering what the dog is looking at in that green valley. I later found that this is the breed that called basset hound. If I will ever get a dog for myself, it will be. They are a scent hound and long ears helps that. And their face could look sad.


In the wine tasting lounge, we were treated with 7 type of wine from sparkling wine to Port, was all-round light, fun and smooth. The grape is Australian. I especially enjoyed a Chardnnay that says will be the best if it sits for 1 to 2 years. It peaks, but the tricky part is that you don't really know when. Albatross bought a bottle.




Maya said wine has its own life. She talked about that you imagine the year when the grape was harvested. The rain. Maybe she was not talking about this, maybe I was imagining. I was thinking of the year of 2005, seeing how the grapes were ripe in this valley, so far away from me, from new york, from my life at that time, my pain, my love and joy, yet, we waited, yet we met one day, when its richness brings its memories of sands and sun to my palate, I know all has been worthwile, the waiting from both life is fulfilled. We were both growing all these years, and we loved each other when we met.


This is my blog, so I got to be so cheesy, and spelling lots of words wrong.

We had dinner that night at Hitching Post, its meaning is almost like the rural home town where my family was originally from in China. Life is really interestng with all these coincidences. I of course a descendant of some farmers tracked back 3 or 4 generations. But beyond that it could be some noble family in Ming dynasty or who knows where.

I do look a bit foreign with my fair skin, round eyes, full nose and sometime bad temper.

Albatross couple and I are from the same coastal province of Shandong which is actually the home of most famous wine producers in China, for its sandy beaches and sun.

In deciding the selection of wine, of coures it had to be a Pinot Noir. Miles and Jack had Highliner, not sure which year, but the film was shot in 2003.


We decided to be a little adventrous, espeicially when the lovely waitress comfirmed she think that the 2003 Bien Nacido, which Abatross picked is indeed better. So it is. Year 2003 is an eventful year. We drink for that.




Wine, because it ages, it is almost like it has a soul and a memory. That makes tasting it irrsistibly nostagic.

Food was delicious and flavorful, a very typical home cooking of rural homes. The three of us had 4 appetizers and shared a 26 ounce steak, we were beyond full at the end and had to forego the dessert and port.

But there were not many lookers in the restaurant. I don't see a Maya or a Jack or a Miles, being frustratinly sophisticated. But they do have photos of Sideaway crews on the wall across the bar. This photo reminds me of Ducth painting.



I could not resolve the problem of Flash. I am amazingly lazy and unsophicated when it comes to certain things.

Next day, we visited the Danish town and waited for 40 mintues for a table to have Pancake in Paula's Pancake house, where Miles and Jack had one of their breakfast.

Then we drove to the winery where the four of them sneaked out of the wine tour to see the barrels room, where Maya talked about that wine has a life. Maybe so, but this winery is not very impressive with the type of wine it is offering. Being the most expensive for tasting, $10 vs. $5 in Alma Rosa, this winery provides worst wine. Its tasting room has fatastic view of the valley and dipping vinegar for snacks, but otherwise look like sourvier store of theme park. I love the simpler Alma Rosa who focus on the wine itself.

Being bigger does not mean it is necessarily better. And Miles is totally right about Merlot. Don't drink Merlot, and don't date anybody who does.

Fortunately this winery locates at the winding and hilly road that runs through the wine country. We were treated with some of the most beautiful sceneries of this green valley and barren yellow hills.

I am always taken to winding and desolate road leading to the far horizon or red barns, and white fences in farms, farms with horses.

The bluest of the blue of the sky, leaf's shadow made by the generous sun of California. Under the sun, all colors are stronger, more open and honest. It make you feel so strongly about the force of lives, of the fact that you are living.

Wine tour is only part of my stay in the Southern California, there is also the beach of Crytal Cove, the people and French bistro in Laguna beach, but that belongs to another story for another day.

Let's fast forward to LAX when I departed. Albatross dropped me off on his way to work. I checked in my suitecase. I walked toward the security gate, with my red bag with books, Ipod, electornic devices and green bag of laptop, and in a brown paper bag, I was holding my beloved bottle of 2005 Pinor Noir-La Encantada.

I was feeling relaxed and gratifying with my trip and great time here among the wine country and the seaside town. My eyes were full of sunshine.

I passed securitiy with no alarm rings. But security guy stopped me after staring at the monitor.

"You can not take this on aboard. You should have checked it in" He is holding my beloved Pinot Noir. Its red signiture of Alma Rosa right infront of my eyes.

"But it is not opened. I got it from the winery here." I feel like a 2nd-grade feeling defenseless. I am on the verge of tears.

The young security guy looked sorry. You can leave it with your friend. Or check it.

He stood with me quietly while I was weighing all the options.

I decided to give it a try. He escorted me back out.

I walked back to the counter. My luggage was alreayd off the belt on th eway to the plane. I called up Albatross who confirmed that he can not come back in time.

My plane was leaving in 20 minutes. I don't intend to miss it.

For a second, I was thinking of opening it and taste it, but I know that is not the point. I want to take it back to New York with me. I don't want to ruin it.

I took a deep breath and went back to security. I looked for the nice security guy, I want to gave it to him, but he was nowhere to be found.

I put it through security again hope I can get some luck this time, no, of course not, a lady hold it up in her hand, you can not take it.

I said, you can take it away. but someone please take it home and enjoy it. It is a very good bottle of wine.

I saw it was taken to the security desk on the side, the woman sitting behind it picked it up and read the label with amusement. I called out: Don't throw it away please. Drink it. She put it infront herself on the desk. Temporarily, it was not tossed.

I took the last look at it and walked toward my gate.

Back in New York, that evening, I went to my wine store asking for Pinor Noir from California wineries.

Wang shook his head. I don't have any Pinot Noir from Claifornia. I have a Pinor Gris from Italy.

What is up with all these wine from Italy and France, wang? Do you know California have the best wine now in the world? Or Oregon?

I left the store empty handed. Luckily I have the wine tasting sheet from Sanford winery and I found the wine and winery online. They ship to New York. I ordered the 2005 Pinot Noir online, to be shipped immediately. I won't drink it. I will keep them for a long time. They are special to me. I will open them for dear firends and special occassions.

In my message, I said: I did wine tastng in your winery 2 weeks ago. Please make sure this shipment is for one of the Vineyard Designated wines, 2005 Pinot Noir, La Encantada.

They produced 1500 cases only. Some of them belong to me, I believe. I occasionally think of that wine that I had to part with at LAX. I wish someone have taken it home and enjoyed it.

Wine tasting sheet thus describe it:

The "Echcantada" shows quintessential Pinot Noir characteristic of cherry-berry fruit, brown spice, a little-forest-floor earthiness and a thought-provoking deep, dark complexity...still a happy wine but showing a more serious side as well.....

That sounds my type of wine.

I Felt Warm-West Coast Trip Day Three

Day three is a Sunday, Oct 30.

Before I even got up, I heard Albatross walk out of the door. He went shopping since he was going to cook, as he always do for Sunday.

I turned around and fell into sleep again. I can spoil myself with friend like this.

It was a beautiful day. I heard the previous weekend was rainy, but I have had only those typical transparent, cloudless and ocean blue sky of Southern California.

The day was so beautiful that I felt guilty and ache from walking in that dustless, quiet and sunny surroundings of Irvine, with female Albatross that morning. We went to a nearby Iran grocery store to get the specially baked Iran bread.

We have planned to go back to Laguna beach that afternoon. But first, we will enjoy a good meal by Albatross.

I remember when I grew up, Sunday noon is a big time for family meal. Dumpling was usually the main course. It is time for family to catch up and enjoy. And I am waiting like a little girl for Albatross to show me his magic.

Man who love to cook is very attractive, like man who love kids. And this photo I snatched for Albatross since I could not help otherwise captured his calm enjoyment of cooking.

Since we came from the same city, even hearing him describe what he will cook make me feel hungry.

Before long, here it is: Catfish with Eggplant, Clams, Pork with Celery, Rice noodle with spinach and egg strips and Bei Ji Bei. Alluring color combination as well. The pround chef posed with his art in this photo.

We can not wait to start. The three of us sit around the dishes, poured out beer. Start drinking from noon is pretty fun, not to say I was on vacation.

My head looked really big from this photo, but so long as the Albatross couple looked so elegant and refined, I am happy.

After lunch, we drove to Laguna again. There is a gallery exibiting the prints of works by Rembrandt and Durer. Albatross's favorite.

Sunday afternoon at the ocean front Avenue of Laguna beach, bright sunlight flows like water. We sat there enjoying our icecream, like it is the most interesting thing in the whole world. New York and pressure of work seems far away.

We all liked this special exibition of Sergey Smirnov. His inheritage of Russion Icon painting tradition like that of Andrei Rublev and drastic use of color creates dreamy image with inner side that seems rich and transending of its simplicty and distortion.

Me being me, has to post again infront of this painting of a Geisha in yellow and green. My color scheme is consistent. I like it when you look closer, you can see the traffic in the gallery window.

Evening drew close. We walked across street to the ocean front. Sand in southern California is cold. I walked bear footed to the water. Pacific wave touched my skin. This is the big pond that saperate here from home. I was far away from the land I came from. But which land is really a home to me, I can no longer tell.

Albatross and I were both at the hometown back in June. The heat and chaos frustrated us. Although seeing parents were a blessing. But we both feel a stranger at the home town. We drifted a apart. I was too used to New York city, while Albatross liked his quiet southern California living. We are homeless in a good way, maybe.

The photo I took of the couple reminded me of a film of Japanese new wave for no particular rason. It striked me as a film clip, it was alive and breathing. They two were reacting to each other.

The sun has set. I was standing near the water. Albatross took this photo of me. What was I thinking of, seeing again the beautifual sunset of west coast.

Finally we grabbed a stranger to take this photo of the three of us. You can tell how much taller they are than I am and how happy we were.

We strolled around more to see the little stores. I bought a hat from this store. Hat and scarf are my favorite accessories.

I liked Laguna beach. I saw little houses on top of mountains like the porsitano. On the bruchure of the city, it said this is Norther of Italy and Southern of France. It is very non patrotic for an American town. But it is indeed layback and elegant. The art as Albatross point out, has a taste of toursity and shallow quality, but it has gems in it if you look carefully.

And a time out with frinds is priceless, whereever we are. I sounds like a Visa card advertisements.

Back home, Albatross lighted the fireplace. We sat on the couch, drank wine, sipped tea and talked about the past. We found that Female Albatross is a descendant of Li Hong Zhang and I even concluded that she is the same generation of Zhang Ai Ling. That make us excited.

Albatross said Zhang Ai Ling wanted to move to Las Vegas before she died. I picture her living alone in this land, read books, write, think of past, think of shang hai. She striked me as rootless and home less too. I am not surprised that she might enjoy the sound of Casino, the face of gamblers. She live and she does not depress.

We chatted until 1:30. That is 3:30 am in New York. We hope the evening could be longer. But it is really the happiness that we shared, the days that existed, that we shall remember and enjoy.

Thank you my friends, all three of you, for being such great company and host for the three unforgetable days in my life.

I Felt Warm-West Coast Trip Day Two

Ying was a very good friend and my college class mate in Bei Wai. Weeks ago Ying has planned my Saturday with a full agenda. She graduated from USC as well, like Albatross. So our first program is to watch the football game between USC and WSU.

The Collosium is the main stadium for the 1984 Los Angeles Olmpics game. Readers in my age all shall remember the fun and excitment of watching China participate and shine on that first major game. China and US are the laregest benefitor from the ex-Soviet camp's refusal to participate.

Game was fun, but watching people watching the game was more and only fun for me as far as game watching goes. I stand my that American Football is a boring game, but any competitive sports game is fun in its own way.

Even before I came to LA, I have heard about the quarter back of USC was taking a ballroom dancing class to keep his student status so that he can play one more year at college football. He was really good. Even I can tell. But ballroom dancing cracks me up.

Albatross later told me that day when we were there the stadium was packed with 92,000 viewers. And I was probably the only one who did not wear Red, the color of Trojan.

Good time.

Maybe it was the previous night's lingering at the Sea side or that day's sitting at the game for 4 hours, I had a split headache and had to cancel my evening plan of going to a Hallowen party with Ying. But we did drive to Hollyhood Boulevard and did costume shopping just as well.

Ying got an extremly sexy black outfit that further flatter her great figure. We tried different color of wig too. Fun and silly girl time.

A Korean BBQ was followed and Ying and I spent some solid 5 hours together chatting, gossiping and catching up with each other's life. I felt time to part came too soon and a bit sad to wave her goodbye.

Next time. Ying, let's party together. Deal, like we used to go dancing every weekend night back in college days in Beijing.

Albatross couple came pick me up. I fell sound sleep in the back of their car after a fun day. You know, when you are tired but happy and relaxed, you dozed off into sleep like a baby back in the sweet world of womb, safe and sound.

Among my friends, all three of them, I felt at home, around families.

At home, we sat and talked for a long time. Albatross showed me his book collection of Calligraphy and Chinese painting. I began to write Calligraphy again. But I am no good.

He also put on the DVD of Crumb, having me watch the episode where Crumb teached his son to draw. I knew about that DVD for a long time. I admire people who can draw, maybe because I could not at all.

I love their living room, the decoration and color. Red is the dominat color. Poster of Emily and that rocking Red Chair and Altima.

I don't really like to wear Red. But to see them around me is soothing. My studio apartment back in New York is dominated with red too.

And the Space carved out of the wall that they painted red is like a frame into which the happy couple fit in so nicely.
This, on top of the Trojan color of red out of the football game, my second day is filled with the blush of victgory, passion and warmth.

I Felt Warm--West Coast Trip Day One

My trip over the past weekend to LA area was a splash! I felt so warm, because of the sunshine at Laguna beach and smile and caring of my friends, beautiful, fun and tall friends.

Day One

Albatross and I went to gallery visiting on Friday morning at Laguna beach. Picture a vertical beach town like Persitano, with galleries and small shops along the ocean front. Lots of artists live here, smoking pots non-stop, and hope to sell their paintings to some rich retirees live in that area of the country. Some of the works are tasteless, like their buyers, but we did see some good exhibitions, like this one.

When we sat at the cafe shop where ChinaFool was spotted to have been hanging around and writing his latest script weeks ago, Albatross told me the story of real Albatross.

This is a bird whose wings can span several feet when fully unfolded. Certain type of them will take years to pick their partner and once made the selection, the two birds will fly over the earth at least once, sometime twice, in one or two year's time, to mark the partnership and they shall never separate until death make them.

A good story.

Then we met up with the beautiful female Albatross who was busy that morning. For your record, I was in the same Kindergarten, elementary school, middle school and high school with female Albatross. The three of us were in the same middle and high school. We went long way back. Without really revealing our age, I have known them both for more than 20 years. I felt so mature.

We drove toward San Diego. We were going to visit Salk institute. If you have not watched the documentary My Architect, I ask you to stop reading this blog and go get it now. I am not an architect, but I love his work. Salk Institute of UCS was among his most famous. And we were happy that we were at that space for sometime that Friday afternoon. It is the building, but it is also the space that the building carve out.

I realized how my architect friends have been talking about. They are all busy creating space and buildings in China right now. I look forward to see their space.

La Jolla Beach is the next destination. Albatross hope to see some Dolphin there. When we drove around the neighborhood, I said: As someone from New York, this place is so neat and tidy that I don't know what to do with it.

We saw amazing Sunset over a violent and beautiful dark blue ocean. I miss real sunset since we don't have that in the East coast. But I did not see the green flash people claim happens just after the sun has set.

It was unforgettable. I loved the little pier and this picture I took of the Albatross couple.