From Happiness to Crappiness

 

 I probably have just watched the best episode ever of Madmen.

And at the end of it, the interesting-looking boy, who is actually the producer's son, said: why all things you think will make you happy turn into crap?

Expectation kills the fun. But why?

 Joan is the lady that has to face them all, yet she is still fiery, strong, and smiling, wearing red, with the guts to face the possibility of craps or simply craps themselves. 

So great to see Don Draper is back to the top of his game. "Happiness is the minute you want to have more happiness. You are not happy."

Yes, if one does not what more of what one has, then that is not happiness. 

What if we want more of what we can't have, and then just want less?

It fills me with the feeling of nostalgia to see snow falling outside the office windows and remembered the winter time in the offices up in the buildings of Madison Avenue, and working days on Sunday as a escape and with secret expectations.

Remembering those of my agency times in New York. Remembering those walls, if they can talk.   

Only this time someone came to the office middle of the night to kill himself for he saw no way out and his pride does not allow admission of failure-if hanging himself out of the door hook stiff is not, maybe it is a protest.  His death will hang heavy on Don Draper's conscious.
 
What a great performance of the one who died. Good news is the British actor will come back as Moriarty in the not so good film adoption of Sherlock Holmes.

It is an intense episode.

Sally becomes a women. When I saw her and the little boy strolling the Natural History museum, I got teary.  It is one of my favorite places in New York. I lived near it for a brief time. It played a little role in my moving to San Francisco all things considered.

Why all my memories are with New York? Even the ones that make me leave it are traced back to New York.

San Francisco, it will come for us. It is happening.   

And why what we think that can make us happy always turn to crap?

Stop whining. Is that what they say?

So great to see Don always stands up as a descent man at times of trying, when Joan's service was needed, when Lane was dangling there, when the little boy had to take a train alone and he was just a bit sad of a crappy day.  He stood up and do the right thing.

Don Draper has balls. For a man, that is what matters most.  The better word is character. He has other flaws, but being wimpy and selfishly small is not among them. 
 
Madmen started on 2007. I watched the season one at a tough time, a sight to the sore eyes.

I missed Season two as I was in China in 2008, but later watched it on Netflix.

At the start of Season three, I was at Indiana, helping my Niece settling in her school. I remember making sure I watch that first episode of the season from a hotel room.  That was an interesting time. a start of a new phase.

I watched Season four on laptop as my TV was not working properly and owning a new TV is not trendy anymore. I was also happy and distracted by other things happening.

And Season five is watched here, in San Francisco, after March, on a new 3D TV.

All the characters seemed to have grown up or older, like we did, like I did.  Wiser or not, I am not sure. 

It gets incredibly darker this season, and incredibly good. It is not one of those feel good movies when you are inspired watching, if anything, Madmen have you see your own flaws and struggle and fear so clearly and you can't move your eyes away.

I like the beautiful and quietly desperate Betty Draper, more than the toothy and perfectly nice Meagan.  Her way of standing bothers me too. I love Joan with her porcelain look, dignified appearance, and the sense of moral high ground,  and she can really hold it up there even when she is insulted. I like Pete especially when he is doubting himself, which is all the time. 
   
But I never really feels close or identified to Don Draper. I did with both Betty and Peggy, Pete and even Roger, but never Don.

He has no sense of humor. He is really unhappy and has no hobby. None of them except Ken but that is OK. I lose my interest of things when I get lost too. And he is too perfect-smart, always carry the day, get all he wants. I don't look at him from a woman's perspective. I am watching him like watching part of ourselves. They all are, part of our collective identities. 

I am sure he is the man that every man wants to be.  If I am a man, maybe I want to be like him too, I would not know. It is said by a comedian that all republican man want to look like Don Draper.

For that reason, it is secretly satisfying for all to see that even as smart, handsome and driving as he is, he still is not happy.

And that says it all. We all can fail sometime and just look at Don Draper.

Yet, he is still wining. Lane is the one who has failed.

Maybe happiness does not truly exist, it exist in the name of routine and certainties for people who settle and don't ask questions, it does not exists for people keep pursing it for it always just turns to crap when you try to define it and grasp it.

Happiness is too much to bear for some people for whom guilt always shadows happiness. 

Where would this go from here? Where would my season 6 or 7 be?  Here or some where else?

It is like part of the life now. I don't know what that says about me, but I am OK with it.

The forever stylish way to raise your chin high, like Joan, even when the situation calls for crying and tears, is why I love so much about Madmen.

Turning craps to something else, if not happiness.