Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Finally Cool Enough

It has been the first night in a week, that I did not turn on the A/C in my room, that I did not feel like a piece of bacon left in the refrigrator and having no other choice but to stay here. I thought I am on a break or vacation from New York.

Finally it is natural breeze right now, teasing me, and I don't have to play with 2 types of Mosquieto tranqulizer, one solid, dark, round, incense like, smelly; the other liquid, transparent, electrical, ordorless. I chose the former.

The trucks are running with deafenning noise under my window, remotely reminding me of 9th Avenue in New York, which seems far away after 4 months of absence in my life. I never thought that is possible, that I can stand leaving New York for so long.

Or that I can stand taking trains so frequently in China, but I did, and it is pretty nice. It takes only 3 hours now from the original 8 hours, to reach Qingdao, the coastal city or Beijing, the capital from where I am, both are hosting the Olympics games, as added information.

My friend in beijing is helping me getting tickets online via resellers. I hope to get Tennis, track and Swimming, the latter is almost mission impossible, everyone want to go into that water cube stadium, blueish one. And it is a small one.

So it is here soon, from where I used to look at it, it seemed far and unreal. It make me feel sad and happy to think of that time and those I knew and loved and will continue to love.

The friend finally got tennis tickets, for woman's final, he dare to claim with excitement, after I repeatedly told him I want man's final. I should never have trusted him in really wanting to see Federer or Nadal over pretty girls in short dress. I will try to work with his wife instead.

I was on a semi phone interview for the first time in 4 months to semi explore an potential opportunity with a new agency. I intend to make it my last resort when I run out of money or excuse to try crazy but better things to do, that is, if they think I am qualified. The guy is very nice. I forgot things, I was not as sharp with what I did, I am out of practice, and yet I felt sick in how quickly I am rememing them all over again right there on the phone, the busy advertising life in a huge agency, although I was missing it only yesterday, after feeling hot, bored, useless and humid. Yes, I was beautiful then. And..that is from Cat.

Since I have made it such a big deal, the break I mean, I better seriously think about what should I do or be next, in life, there seems to be a lot, there seems to be only a few. It is not one dimension, it is pretty exciting as well as frightening.

There are stories from the road to tell, but I found myself not a good story teller these days.

I want to write. Or you may find it is only a hobby, one long-time advertising friend once told me, I think he is vicious and envious of my break. But I am happy that his whole family (at least 4 of them) is having a thriving sex life, so he told me, as always, too much information from him, my American friends, so they call them now in Beijing.

There are ideas I want to realize that keep me awake at night. That is new to me. I have never being kept awake in the past, except for missing someone or for worrying about something. Maybe it is still the latter two that come back to me with disguise, like a dream or a goal.

I could not sleep, so I wake up and pick up books that have piled up again on the desk besides me, they are new, and old, Chinese, American, Chillian, German, Turkish novels, long or short, classic or new, books by travelling cook that makes me laugh, ghost stories from Long past, newly found but truly loveable Cartoon book by Lewis Trondheim, the curse of the Umbrella, small Hemingway collections that make me realize yet again how much I enjoy his style, like Oasis of difference in the desert of the familiarity of my native language and culture, of who I am.

Reading, travelling, going to the gym 2 hours a day every other week, and feeling hot and humid and dusty and sometime pretty have been my life in the past several months. Except one week in the pacific north west I have been mostly in China. It is pretty wonderful, although I do feel anxious sometimes. Then it will get better.

After all, sitting on the balcony with my parents tonight, behaving like a irrepsonsible 14 year old, watching the downpour after a hot and humid week, and talking about the past and seeing my father smile and my mother smiling with him is wonderful. I keep my wit (and my temper) for them these days, and it make me happy.

On a friend's blog, I read about he went back to his mother's home after years and years and found the family sofa is still with in Plastic wrap. I had the same experience with my family remote controls. They, although they now belong to HD TV and HDVD, are still in a plastic wrap, like their last generations and one before. I was driven nuts by the wrap that stop me from seeing which button I am pushing, that i finally took one off. and it looked naked in comaprison to others. I felt guilty for breaking a family tradition of keeping the plastic on for remote control so they won't get dirty ever in the harsh air of my polluted hometown.

I do miss the world that is outside, far, fun , and people in it. or maybe I am just curious to see if anything has been different. I miss things I have left behind or those who have left me. I look forward to going back to it while taking this deep breath before diving right back into it. I am lucky for being able to do this.

I am holding the breath, not for too long now. I tell myself it will be different this time, I know it

Again, with me are breeze, noise from trucks driving by, a small room, a computer screen, a small suitecase to pack for tomorrow's trip, yet again.

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